Some Points About Hillary Clinton Being "Sick," From the Point of View Of Sick Person

I know, I know is my hot take machine broken? What's next for me to post about, "Eve Eats Apple?" As always happens as we round the bend into the electoral homestretch, the amount of stuff I want to write about expands inversely to the time in which I have to write it. Some of those posts have just gone by the wayside whereas others I still feel are worth addressing even though they are (thank God in this case) past their moment in the sun. For those who were taking their annual vacation under a rock that week, let me refresh your memories:

On September 11th, Hillary Clinton left early from a ceremony honoring victims of 9/11, saying she felt overheated. Breitbart "news" reported that Hillary had been rushed to the hospital after fainting which was (shockingly) not true. But video did show her faltering. Later her doctor reported that Sec. Clinton was suffering from pneumonia and was recovering nicely. This incident couldn't have come at a worse time since the Trump campaign has been pushing the narrative that Clinton was sick, weak, and frail. I'll let readers dissect the obvious misogyny of trying to insinuate that Hillary "lacks stamina" while I ask another question; what if Hillary were sick? So, what?

This story interested and angered me not only as a staunch Clinton supporter, and a Feminist, but as someone who has struggled with chronic illness her entire adult life. We have so much (important) conversation in the progressive community about destigmatizing mental illness (a charge that's been leveled at both major candidates with impunity) but what about physical? Somewhere in the heart of every "sick" person lies the fear and shame that we will be judged as incapable, as weak, or as lazy when in fact just the opposite is true. As many have now pointed out, Hillary Clinton should be commended for attending this ceremony despite a temporary physical ailment; It shows her commitment and her fortitude. Even as one who greatly admires Secretary Clinton, as a sick person I couldn't help but think, "I hope Hillary Clinton is sick. I hope she becomes an excellent President and it changes the way we think about illness."

After all, what does "sick" mean anyway? It seems clear that the Trump campaign was hoping to imply, if not discover, something more lasting and insidious than pneumonia. Exactly what physical ailment would have disqualified Clinton from executing the office of the Presidency? We now know that FDR was in a wheelchair, LBJ had heart problems, and JFK had Addison's Disease. Even my boy, Teddy Roosevelt, suffered from Asthma. And of course, no one could watch this story unfold without wondering, "Have you people even seen The West Wing?" All of these Presidents, both real and fictional, were exceptional leaders who, despite their obvious fitness for the job, strove to hide their physical ailments from the public. Why?

Well in Clinton's case it may have something to do with the fact that she knew she might be criticized just for having a real human body. After all this is a woman who has been pilloried for preparing for a debate, accused of corruption for using her connections to combat childhood AIDS, and lampooned as morally bankrupt for having been cheated ON. As a woman, she is socialized not to complain about physical discomfort perhaps because she is less likely to be believed if she does. Obvious and pervasive misogyny aside, I think there is another reason why Clinton was vulnerable to this line of attack. Despite the fact that about half of American adults suffer from some form of chronic illness, and the despite the vast body of evidence to the contrary, we still labor under the misperception that sickness equals weakness, not just a physical failure, but a moral one. My many colleagues who have campaigned with anything from the sniffles to a burgeoning cancer diagnosis can tell you that that is anything but the truth.

As we move further and further into an age of forced full disclosure, we need to reexamine what exactly is shameful to disclosure. To what standards do we hold our leaders that we don't hold ourselves and why? What are we reinforcing by doing so? I think the scariest thing about our leaders being sick is the idea that they are vulnerable and the scariest thing about that is that it means we are too. When we tell our children they can grow up to be anything, imperfect should be included, particularly when it comes to forces irrelevant to the task and beyond their control. Think about what message we send when "sick" is not a concern but an accusation we level at a candidate.

Sh*t Non-Campaign People Say

The day after this past general election I got a gchat from one of my best friends from high school. This was our conversation:

Him: Last night was so much fun! My friend had an election watch party at her house and we had the cupcakes with donkeys on them. We stayed up all night partying and when he won it was insane people were crying and dancing and hugging each other, even if they didn't know each other.

Me: That's awesome...you know my candidate didn't win.

Him: Oh, I didn't realize that.

Me: I'm glad you had fun. Why did you have a party? Did you wind up volunteering with the Obama campaign?

Him: No, I was too busy. We were going to have a fundraiser at the law school but I decided it was too much work.

Me: Okay, I gotta go meet my coworkers. I'm glad you had fun.

If you're like me and you work on campaigns, the above conversation made you cringe. It feels like a Highlights Magazine, "Can you spot the mistakes?" I've often teased (and fought with) this friend over his sometimes oblivious behavior, but I also know he is the last person in the world who would intentionally say something hurtful to me. I've been meaning to tackle this issue for a while and last night's loss in conjunction with some recent scandals in New York politics reminded me that it is long overdue. If you have friends or family who do my job or something like it check out these common campaign scenarios for what we do and definitely don't want to hear:

IF YOU'RE NOT SURE HOW IT WENT...
Don't Say...
Did you win? In today's age of google and google alerts, there is virtually no excuse for you not to know the answer to that question. If you are close enough with me to be getting in touch during such an emotional moment, then you are close enough to have learned my candidate's name and find out this information yourself. If the answer to your question is "no," the last thing I want to do is have that disappointing conversation with over and over again while I am still trying to comfort my candidate and my staff and tie up the inevitable loose ends. Even when the answer is yes, it's hurtful that at one of the most important moments of my professional life, you couldn't put in the minimal effort to check the local paper or set up a google alert.

Congratulations! It seems obvious not to congratulate someone until you know whether or not they've won an election, but it happens. I can't tell you how many congratulatory texts I got when we lost last November. I was extremely relieved and proud of our Senate and Presidential victories, and excited for and and proud of my friends who worked on them. I also did feel that I had a personal stake in these races, thanks to the organizers I'd mentored and campaigns for whom I'd volunteered and who read my blog. When I got congratulatory texts that acknowledged my work on these races as well a "better luck next time" in Texas, I was touched. When I got blanket congratulatory texts, I was annoyed mostly because I knew my compatriots who had been working much longer and harder than I had were getting them too. These texts, however well meaning, felt like they were saying, "well but in the grand scheme of things that little Congressional race isn't important." All elections are important especially the ones I work on or I wouldn't work on them. My efforts in Texas were valid, and more importantly my friends' were.

What you can say: (Since you will have looked up the election result...) I just saw that you won! Congratulations! (see below for what to say for a loss.)

IN GENERAL...
On or off a campaign, I can't stand when someone says one of the following sentences:
Someone called/came to my house the other day and I was polite to them because of you. Really? You weren't polite to them because you are a good and decent person? You would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) how cruel and smug people can be when you're just calling them to ask for their vote. Field organizing can be incredibly draining and degrading, but we do it because we believe passionately in these candidates and causes--candidates and causes that will improve your lives as well as ours. It's pretty disheartening to imply that the only people who are obligated to treat us with respect are people who happen to know someone in the campaign world.

I find those phone calls really annoying. Great. No one asked you. That's what I've chosen to do with my life and you might not like it, but it's a necessary evil of my job. I find flossing really annoying, also homework, legal bills, nutrition advice and any form of artistic angst, but that's not the first thing I say to people I care about when it comes to their jobs, because that would be rude.

Those calls can't possibly do anything. You're right. I've devoted my life to something completely stupid and useless because I love getting chewed out by ignorant strangers on a daily basis. Phone calls work. There are studies to prove it. They probably work on you and you just don't realize it. It is a fact, not a matter of opinion or your individual experience. I don't tell doctors what treatments are effective, or sommeliers what wines go with fish. I'm the expert here, not you and I'm telling you they work. End of discussion.

What you can say: I got a political phone call at the house and it made me think of you. You're amazing to put up with all those rude people.

WHILE HE OR SHE IS ON A CAMPAIGN...
I don't have time to volunteer because... If we ask you to volunteer, that's one thing, but if you're in Ohio and I'm Florida in and you're just trying to assuage your guilt, take it somewhere else. Fundamentally we get that not everyone is going to volunteer on a campaign, I promise we do. On a day-to-day basis, however, the average field organizer spends about four hours straight making phone calls asking people to volunteer and another two hours doing so in the office or at events. It is enervating, humiliating work where people lie to your face and smirk about it. In order to do what it takes to win, we have to temporarily convince ourselves that volunteering on a campaign is the most important thing in the world and that people who don't do it are either ignorant or selfish. We don't want to think of you as "one of those people." When it comes to the issue of friends and family receiving volunteer recruitment calls, it's best to operate on a don't ask don't tell basis.

But you have to have ONE night off to hang out... No, I don't! I wish I did! I don't even have time to shower! I know you miss us, believe me, we miss you too, but it's bad enough to think about what we're missing back home without being made to feel guilty about it. Some things like engagements, break-ups, medical emergencies, deserve our attention and it's on us to be there for you at least via phone call no matter what, but for the most part we are under an enormous amount of pressure and it hurts when the people who we most count on for support don't get that.

What you can say: I miss you, but I am so proud of how hard you're working. I can't wait to do (activity you enjoy together) when you're done!

AFTER HIS OR HER BOSS RESIGNS OR DROPS OUT IN SCANDAL...
Unfortunately, a topic with which I have first hand experience.
What's going on? If I'm in a position to know, I can't tell you.

Did you know? Yep! I packed up my entire life and moved to the middle of nowhere at great peril to my relationships and health to work at less than minimum wage for John Edwards knowing he was a lying bag of garbage and that if he were to get the nomination it would be an irreparable disaster for the Democratic party. No, of course, not! How could you know me and think I would knowingly work for someone who would cheat on his wife while she had cancer, not to mention risk another four years of Republican presidency? I think of all the DON'Ts on this list, this one hurts the most. Really? Really?

I never trusted him. Well aren't we Holly Hindsight? I was wrong. I get it. It's embarrassing enough on its own without other people pointing out how "obvious" it was.

Politicians are all scum. Okay, to some extent, yeah. But I still do this job and so I have to believe that there are good guys out there somewhere. Look, in a democracy we get the leaders we deserve. A lack of faith in politicians and the political system is exactly what I'm fighting against big picture, and exactly why sleazy people get ahead. So while I know this is meant to make me feel better, it doesn't.

What you can say: I have no idea how you must be feeling. I love you and I'm sorry you're going through this.

AFTER A LOSS...
The system is broken. Please see above.

Well what do you expect? It's Texas, South Carolina, etc. I have been guilty of saying this myself. "Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown." The thing is a) as a campaign nomad I've already heard enough regional stereotypes to last me a lifetime and b) if we only worked safe races nothing would ever change. Campaign people should be commended for giving it their all in enemy territory, not treated like they've just returned from a fool's errand.

What you can say: I just saw. That's such a bummer. I hope you are proud of all your hard work and celebrating that tonight even though the result blows.

I get it. Campaign people can be narcissistic, one-track-minded pains in the butt. I should know; I am one and I live among them. Please understand though, we live our lives as public commodities all day every day. We take a lot of abuse and we CAN'T fight back because we are representing our cause or candidate. That's why we can be extra-sensitive in the brief interactions where those things are not at stake. The upside is if you can put up with us, we tend to reward you by extending the same passion and dedication we have for campaigns into our personal relationships.

Campaign Love and Mine,
Nancy

Ask an Election Nerd: Post-Campaign Anxiety

I have been getting a lot of questions about campaignsickness, job search anxiety and unemployment depression, although this is one of the more extreme examples. I hope my advice below helps!
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hey Nancy. I'm currently an unemployed organizer and I've been having a really hard time dealing with the malaise and, to be honest, depression that comes with being out of work. And unemployment coupled with the fact that organizing jobs are so limited this year has left me in a perpetual state of anxiety. I've had a hard time sleeping, my skin is constantly breaking out, and I just generally feel pretty horrible all the time. Do you have any advice for dealing with this phase of campaign life?
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Let me start by saying that you do not need to feel this way! That's not to say I am unsympathetic. You are not alone. I will share with you that from 2008 to early 2010 I worked on five campaigns and during that period I suffered from almost crippling inter-campaign anxiety. However, I want to make clear that while some level of job insecurity and campaignsickness are inherit to the campaign lifestyle, depression and panic attacks are not a necessary condition of campaign work and you should not accept them. If you are like me, advice is hard to take when you're depressed or upset. Please know that the following comes with all the (tough) love in my heart.

1) What else is going on? Campaigns can be a great escape from many of life's crisies from breakups to health problems to job loss. Unfortunately, these issues are still waiting for you when the campaign ends. Is it possible that your anxiety is misplaced? The same way that you can be at a stressful job and take it out on your boyfriend, you can be in a stressful relationship and it can manifest itself as career anxiety. Maybe you told yourself you would start a new diet, become more financially responsible or make another big lifestyle change after the cycle ended. Now it has and you're forced to confront the same issues and insecurities that plagued you before. Be honest with yourself about what's really bothering you and use this time to face your problems head on.

2) Idle hands are the devil's play things. On campaigns, time is your most precious resource and you can't get enough of it. Now, time is practically all you've got. Nothing breeds anxiety like having tons of time to mull things over...and over...and over...in your head. After the inevitable post- campaign crash it can be hard get yourself motivated again. After a couple of weeks, try to get on a regular (ish) sleep schedule (I am the biggest violator of this one) and back to a normal diet. Maybe use this time to exercise, visit friends, learn a new skill or...make like I did and write a blog. Do not sit around and stew in your anxiety.

3) Give yourself some agency. One of my favorite things about campaigns is that they are so empowering. Even a first time field organizer can find herself responsible for 200 people spread throughout 4 locations in a swing county on election day. It's tough to go from that to sleeping on a friend's couch or at your parents' house without income or a means of contributing to society. It can be really soul-crushing, especially for campaign people, to feel like you're not being useful or productive. Make sure you are making progress toward your goals. Set a number of resumes or networking emails you will send out each day and stick to it. Find a way to feel like you're in control and doing something meaningful while you search for jobs. You could get a temp job to make some money between campaigns. You could even volunteer your stellar recruitment, persuasion and communications skills for a cause you would not have time to support on the campaign trail.

4) Campaigns are like relationships. When you're single, you want to be in a relationship. When you're in a relationship, as great as it may be, you can't help but chastise yourself for the things you didn't appreciate when you were single (more free time, getting to make out with a cute boy for the first time, not having to take another person's plans into consideration.) On my first campaign I used to fantasize about eating a big bowl of cereal and watching Star Trek in my pajamas the way I imagine a 15 year old boy fantasizes about sex. (Yes, I know, I am a giant nerd. Surprised?) I am sure when you were on a campaign you thought about what you would do with your free time when the campaign ended, so go out and do it! See the people whose birthdays you missed, do some yoga, travel, bake cookies. If you plan to do this job long term, you need to find a way to integrate some life balancing techniques now. Do whatever it is you said you would do with this time because before you know it you will be back to work and kicking yourself that you wasted your free time worrying over when that would be.

5) Get some help. I'm not a mental health professional (insert a joke about campaign managing here), but if you are feeling depressed or anxious in the long term, it might not be a bad idea to talk to one. As I said above, campaignsickness is a real phenomenon but it shouldn't be ruling your life. I don't mean that in a "your feelings are bad and you should feel bad" way, I'm saying that in a "you are too awesome to accept that as simply part of your profession" way. When I look back on the amount of time I wasted not dealing with my panic attacks, I could slap myself. Don't let the same happen to you.

I am very behind on answering these, so I hope your depression has been resolved long before reading this! Thank you for your question. I promise you are not the only one asking. I have no doubt you are wonderful and deserving of not just jobs, but more importantly happiness. Hang in there and feel free to reach out again with an update!

Campaign Love and Mine,

Nancy